The racoon roasted in the July sun. He lay just across the double yellow lines like he’d decided to cross but changed his mind halfway. It was a trip he’d taken many times before. Luigi’s Pizza threw out all kinds of tasty toppings every night. The racoon had been making the journey for months. The employees even had a name for him, Bandit. Sometimes they left food out specifically for Bandit, knowing he’d be making his nightly visit soon.
That night it was three quarters of a Luigi Supreme that Bandit dragged back to his den. It might have been the box that slowed him or the neighborhood dogs he heard barking that spooked him into poor decisions, but when Bandit saw the headlights it was too late. The little hatchback didn’t stop, only burned off like they were late for a party. Bandit’s body was spared further mutilation due to his perfect position on the yellow lines. As the sun beat down and flies began to swarm, a rusty Ford Ranger pickup truck slid to a stop on the side of the road accompanied by a cloud of dust. A woman jumped out of the passenger seat wearing nothing but a low hanging mumu. She grabbed a shovel out of the bed and did a quick traffic check before running to Bandit’s side. “You’re gonna make me a shit ton of money,” she said, scraping the shovel along the blacktop until it slid under Bandit. She used a house-shoe-clad foot to flip him into place as a man called from the driver’s side, hanging his head out the window. “You got him, Harriet?” She lifted the shovel off the ground with a grunt and called back, “I got him. Keep it running.” Harriet tossed the shovel--Bandit and all--into the bed of the truck. They pulled away, throwing dirt and stones into the air as they did. The man called over, “Check Ebay. How much they going for now?” Harriet had her phone in hand, scrolling madly with greed in her eyes. “First one I pulled up is over ten K. Doesn’t look half as good as what we got.” “Hell ya,” said the man, shaking his head. “Who knew racoon meat would be the cure for the coronavirus?”
1 Comment
Busis
3/5/2020 09:03:32 pm
I need to cut up a lime for my beer!
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AuthorScott writing the things that come into his head. Archives
January 2021
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